You couldn't make it up!!
Scroll away and suspend your disbelief.......
Greasy Spoon Vans to be closed down if they don’t offer salads and yogurt
Environmental health officers in Guildford are to inspect menus during routine hygiene checks to make sure that they comply with the health police’s definition of what we should all be eating.
That definition apparently not only includes tastefully prepared lettuce dishes but also “low-fat grilled sausage with wholemeal bread, chilli con carne with lean mince and jacket potato with a selection of wholesome fillings”. If they don’t meet the standards of menu decreed then they will loose their licence.
Quite apart from the fact that lorry drivers and builders are not likely to want to stand there on a cold winter’s morning picking at a wholesome salad, what on earth are the good and overburdened council tax payers in Guildford doing letting their Council’s idiot do-gooders waste the taxpayer’s money on social engineering applied to the full English? That is most definitely not what they are paid for.
We do appreciate that a lynch mob of taxpayers would perhaps be a step too far but we do commend all enraged people in Guildford to bombard their Councillors with complaints and demands for an immediate withdrawal of this nannying and offensive measure. They can use our contact system to so do.
Failing that, we recommend that these interfering busybodies wait until there is a good crowd of burly builders, strapping scaffolders and large lorry drivers gathered at one of these excellent establishments (much favoured by several of us here). We then suggest that they lecture the assembled company-a focus group, we could call them- on their diet and observe the reaction.
We recommend an ensemble that would include a flack jacket, hard hat and running shoes.
Don’t take your sandwich wrapper home! It’s dangerous Industrial Waste!
We are indebted to the estimable Richard Littlejohn of the Daily Mail for this priceless gem. (May his name be praised by all those who value sanity).
Our old friends from Health and Safety are the culprits here and immediately qualify for a BOTM (Blockheads Of The Month) award to insert in the lowest drawer of their filing cabinet.
Frank Hughes, who runs a scaffolding company in Liverpool was visited by an inspector, looking for the illegal disposal of industrial waste.
Frank explained that he did not produce any waste, given the nature of his business.
The inspector than asked if he ate lunch. Frank replied that he did bring sandwiches and took the wrapper home.
In that case, he was told, he was breaking the law. Sandwich wrappings are classed as industrial waste and a licence is required to dispose of them. As Frank did not have such a licence he was advised that he had committed a criminal offence and could expect a minimum fine of £300.
Comment: As we have not quite yet brought in public stonings to comply with Sharia law it seems to us that a public debagging of this officious bureaucrat would be “appropriate and proportional” (as the bureaucrats love to say), followed by a tarring and feathering.
Why do we put up with these petty officials any longer? We don’t need to, you know. We can vote out of any office any government, local or national, that employs them and we can call our politicians to account in the meantime if they encourage such idiocy. Now there’s an original thought!
Lord Mandelson of Rio Hits The Jackpot.
So-Mandy pulls it off-again.
Not only does he get a double barrelled title but, just to make sure that he can keep himself in bath oils and unguents, the good old democratic EU has given him £1 million worth of pay-off and pension, courtesy of taxpayers. That’s on top of his £104,000 Cabinet salary.
He served 4 years as European Trade Commissioner and that, apparently, entitles him to £31,000 a year pension-index linked of course. To achieve a similar pension in the private sector would need a pot of £750,000.
Now we are sure that Lord Mandy will give good value at the Cabinet table-free advice on furnishings, fabrics and the best clubs for samba lessons-that sort of thing, but does his Lordship really need to go on being paid £78,000 a year by burly Bulgarians, hunky Hungarians and flighty Frenchmen, via the EU, for not working?
We rather think not.
We would award a BOTM to the EU for their stupidity but, somehow, in this particular case it does not seem entirely appropriate.
Tower Hamlets name new housing blocks after notorious police murderer.
You may not believe us but Tower Hamlets have decided to name two blocks of housing association property after Peter Piaktow (AKA as Peter the Painter), the leader of a group of anarchists responsible for the murder of three policemen, who took part in the siege of Sidney Street nearby in 1911.
What message does that send to our Police Force (we refuse to use the PC word “service”)? ,
What about a couple of blocks named after alleged police killers, found by juries to be innocent, or other murderers of notoriety?
How about a Winston Silcott House, for instance?
Or Jack the Ripper Mansions? If they want to insult the police, why not do it properly?
If we were serving in the Police Force we should be enraged by this latest idiocy, which is compounded by the drivel spouted by the Chief Executive of Tower Hamlets Community Housing when justifying the choice. He produced the gem that the fire brigade had been consulted about the naming, along with the police.
We know the police do not approve as the Metropolitan Police Federation are quoted as condemning the decision to “glorify” the deeds of a murderer-particularly now when terrorism is again at the forefront of people’s minds. We do not know the views of the lads in the Fire Brigade.
Enough of this nonsense! Call these blocks “Winston House and “Churchill House” after the admirable Home Secretary of the time who took a bullet through his hat at the siege.
Another prized B.O.T.M. award for the Council here to reflect their lunacy.
Too many Admirals. Too few ships.
We now have 41 Admirals to run our navy but, regrettably, only 40 warships for them to command.
The UK National Defence Association, an altogether admirable organisation, whose work is commendable, have accused the Government of chronic underfunding of the Navy as a result of repeated cuts.
Cdr John Muxworthy, Chairman of UKNDA, quite rightly says that “What is really appalling is not that we have 41 admirals but that we only have 40 warships”.
Comment: We agree. The first duty of any government is to protect the security of the nation. We accuse the present government of dereliction of duty in this vital role. Whilst being obsessed with posturing on the political stage, whether it be giving mosquito nets to needy Africans, hurling taxpayers’ money at Northern Rock, wasting our money on useless wind turbines or squandering billions on an ill organised Olympics this lot can always find money for their pet projects. When it comes to defending the nation and giving our Forces the means to do so there is never enough money to go round. Their priorities are wrong. Their stewardship of the nation is an appalling failure. They are wrong to have neglected our Navy in theses dangerous times. They should go and go quickly.
Yorkshire Coast College bans “Easter” and “Christmas” holidays and replaces with “End of Term Break”.
The politically correct spokeswoman for the college who was challenged on this latest piece of tomfoolery produced a memorable example of PC speak, which we are sure you will want to share:
“We operate in a changing society where everyone should feel welcome, regardless of religion or belief, race, colour, age, disability, ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation”.
The local MP, Robert Goodwill, who is a Conservative, is quoted as saying:
“This is absolutely barmy. They are petrified they offend the minority, but end up offending the majority!”
Comment: Spot on, Mr Goodwill! We are a country whose whole history and way of life is based upon a Christian tradition. We want to celebrate our religious festivals as we always have done, without this mealy mouthed surrender to the great god of “Multiculturism”.
This college was branded “inadequate” by Ofsted last year, we are told, and its principal resigned. They would do well to get on with improving their teaching rather than trying to pander to pointless political correctness.
And why, pray, looking at the ludicrous statement would I, if I were an aged Tranny’ with one leg, be offended by the word “Christmas”?
A definite “BOTM” award
Trafford Borough Council claim grass is “too dangerous to mow”.
A young boy having slipped on a patch of grass and cut his leg badly on broken glass, in Altrincham, his mother very sensibly called the council and asked them to cut the grass to save other children from the same fate.
The council refused, saying that the area would not be touched as it was considered “a hazard under health and safety regulations”. Apparently workers might hurt themselves, leading to possible legal action.
Comment: Well that’s alright then. Children can maim themselves happily while council workers, who presumably have not yet been issued with armoured boots, heavy gloves and safety helmets with face protection, are fully protected from any possible danger by being kept away from this grave risk to their health.
A Conservative run council too. Come on Dave! Get your troops back in the real world. The leader of the Council gets one of our treasured Blockhead Of The Month (BOTM) awards to do with as the fancy takes him.
Councils and EU find inspired new ways to waste your taxes and your time.
1. Fylde and Wyre councils in Lancashire have spent £2,130 of their Council Taxpayers money on a DVD showing people how to put rubbish in their bins.
2. Millions of tons of rubbish carefully sorted into separate recycling bins throughout the UK may never actually be recycled and just dumped into landfill sites, it has been revealed.
3. Recycling targets imposed by the EU apply only to waste collected from homes-not to what happens to it thereafter.
Comment: Why don’t we all just refuse to take part in this refuse farce? We are dragooned, lectured, ordered around, fined, have our collections reduced, are spied on and abused just to satisfy a bunch of bureaucratic idiots in Brussels and Town Halls who delight in preaching at us. And then the stuff just gets dumped anyway. Why don’t we tell the EU Rubbish barons to take their BOTM awards (Blockheads Of The Month) and deal with them-appropriately.
Council staff not qualified to wear Wellington boots. Call for the diving team!
David Barnard of Harting Parish Council called Chichester Council, asking them to clear a dustbin that had fallen into a stream and was spilling rubbish. The stream, brook or rivulet was presumably seen by the Council as a raging torrent, crashing great boulders down towards the sea. We do know that it was a challenging and dangerous 4 inches deep.He was advised that the council could not help because “no one qualified to wear Wellington boots was available”.Luckily three parish councillors took their lives into their own very sensible hands and removed the offending bin and mess.A spokesman for Chichester District Council is quoted as saying “We do have health and safety strategies for all members of staff”.
COMMENT:Yes, and we could suggest what you might usefully do with them. Definitely a BOTM (Blockhead Of The Month) award for extreme stupidity here, we think.
Gas leaks first! Murder threats can wait!
A Shopkeeper, Altaf Patel has a store 350 yards from a police station, yet he had to wait two hours for police to respond to his 999 call when a man threatened to kill him with a spade.
The police officers who did eventually bother to trundle up actually came from a station three miles away. Apparently the only officers available at his nearby station “had been sent to a gas leak”.
COMMENT: Well there we have it. Yet another example of the sterling work done by our boys, girls and all those in between in blue. Gas leaks before threatened murder. And there we were, thinking that gas companies attended to leaks.
Not that we blame the officers on the beat. They have been so brainwashed into PC behaviour and attending to targets and paperwork that they have lost the authority and the power to use their own common sense. Blame the culture of sensitive social worker installed instead by the Top Brass on a force that should be, and probably wants to be, feeling villain’s collars.
NHS Trust spends £900 a day to a consultancy firm to hire a deputy chief executive. What! Is that all? Skinflints!
Worthing and Southlands NHS Trust in Sussex is spending what amounts to the equivalent of £350,000 a year to a Ms Sue Barnett so that she might find a temporary deputy chief executive.
Poor Ms Barnett has only been paid £65,338 for 10 whole week’s work to the end of the Trust’s last financial year and she is obviously just the gal for the job. She is reported as being former deputy chief executive of Barking, Havering and Redbridge NHS Hospitals Trust.
Sad then that she decided to step down from that post when her boss, Mark Rees, had his contract terminated, as the Trust had debts of £36 Million. She only received a six figure sum settlement when she left that post, it is reported.
The Trust, which she is now advising, is reported as overspending on temporary staff by £1 Million a month and failing to meet targets to reduce infections.
COMMENT: Why on earth are the Trust being so stingy? This lady is clearly supremely qualified to advise on the best sort of person to act as a TEMPORARY deputy chief executive, capable of getting rid of all that largesse we are throwing at the NHS via our taxes, having herself been in that role at a Trust which is reported as having £36 Million of debts. Can’t they jack the day rate up a bit?
Alternatively, we suppose, they could just employ a real matron, with the power to hire and fire and to make sure the lavatories are clean and the wards too. One or two bean counters to help in admin and no consultants. But that would be too easy, we assume.